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Friday, December 17, 2004
My Mom found my Porn
It's the talk, phone-call, e-mail, or written letter every son fears. When I got hitched and moved out and turned Nineteen, I guessed it was a given that those days of fear were over. No longer was I spending countless hours trying to think of a good and convincing excuse for why there was pornography in the history, should my hours of cleansing the hard drive fail. Instead, my days were unbridled joy, filled with countless images of only the best Japanese soft-core and sometimes hard-core AV Idols. Soon, I had a magnificent collection, perfectly catalogued and hidden away in the private files of my own computer, files which my mother could never access. Then, I forgot to lock them. I left them open. 'Her powers are weak,' thought I, 'she'll never know how to browse to this corner of the hard drive anyway.' Kim and I were staying with my parents for a short time while in transition, and I became lazy. I took privacy for granted. When I moved out, I was flying, so I had to leave my computer behind. 'Lock your files before you leave,' thought I, 'she'll never find them.' But did I? No. I goddamn forgot. And so, here is that e-mail that every male over ten fears. This is real, and I didn't change names or anything. She actually addressed it to Son and signed it Mom. I swear to god. Well I found the pics of my flowerbeds. They were imbedding within your "oriental" pornography along with the man having anal sex with a lady. I have to admit I was sorely disappointed. I always thought of you as a young man with a lot of integrity and never dreamed you would even LOOK AT, much less save and collect such filth.What happened to all the morals and values you had a year ago? Seems you are taking a road that leads to nowhere. I love you, Mom
In Memory of Petey [Steven] Time:10:26 PM Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Word for Word's Holiday Special:
Now for a limited time only, accepting of racial minority groups. God bless us, every one. (Some restrictions apply. Offer limited to Lithuanians, Australians, and some Colombians. Not eligible for Blacks, Hispanics, Jews, Mexicans, or Asians.) In Memory of Petey [Dave] Time:11:41 AM Monday, December 13, 2004
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